Changes
I would never characterize myself as being a particularly courageous person. I was always nervous of fights in school. I was sensitive and didn’t care much for bullying. I went to University and got a degree in something that I didn’t particularly like, probably because I didn’t want to deal with the stigma of being branded a quitter.
This always causes a bit of dissonance because I was always very supportive of people who quit school. With my own experience in hand, I could sympathize with people who knew they didn’t like what they were doing and wanted a changem and I respected them for it. I never even was bothered bythe people traditionally deemed “losers”, those who drop school and never really do much else with their lives. Somebody needs to stock the shelves at Walmart. As long as people are working, and as long as I don’t have to support them, I respect everybody’s choices. Except my own obviously, because I worked a job I hated that I got as a result of an education I didn’t want.
Recently I quit that job, moved halfway across Canada and got a job working in construction. It pays 3 times my old salary, I get the sense of accomplishment of having built something, overtime is paid, and when the day is done, I bring no stress home with me. It really seems to be perfect. Granted it is physically more difficult, and I am away from family and friends, but anyone who knows me well knows how little time I spent with family and friends while I was working my desk job. My girlfriend can attest to how physically difficult my old job was too, because I was so nervous and that I threw up all the time. The time I have with loved ones now will be quality time.
Everyone I know looks at me with respect now, admiring at how brave I am to just get up and go like I did. I guess this is how all heroes end up feeling. I don’t think I’m brave, I just got into a situation where I had to move, or probably die miserable. I think that is what bravery is all about, you move when not moving means misery and pain. Could everyone do what I did? I always thought so. After speaking with people I’ve come to realize that most people would rather live in a misery that they know, rather than take a shot in the dark at happiness.
I think that’s the saddest thing of all.
